i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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