i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This house was built for laser tag.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
