FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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