Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
