She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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