the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
