so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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