I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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