Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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