yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
