that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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