I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
