she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
