he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own