So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.