So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
