remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
