It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
is it fun? or sober?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
