At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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