The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize