I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
