I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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