based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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