I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
