I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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