I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
