grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
