You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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