all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
