Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
