You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
