well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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