You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
