i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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