Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
