I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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