It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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