i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
