life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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