I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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