I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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