this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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