he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
