I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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