I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
