I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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