She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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