i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
