is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
