OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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