So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
