I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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