If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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