Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
