i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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