when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
