After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
