Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
