marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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