Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
