i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
