you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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