My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
