you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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