At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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