they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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