That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
