Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
