VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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