allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
