ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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