You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just gargled with NyQuil
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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