1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
