Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
