It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
