Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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