After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
