How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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