oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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