i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
